I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
