I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Bring me that man meat
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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