we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
