Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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