it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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