She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
