I wish my penis had an off switch
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
