Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
