Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
