Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
