Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
