the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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