Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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