SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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