If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
