took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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