Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
