good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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