she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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