Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
