Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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