are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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