Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
