Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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