direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
