i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
