the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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