I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
