btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i think i have two assholes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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