News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
