Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
