it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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