forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
