That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
