Sponge bath it is.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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