Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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