I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
