He kissed a someone with a penis
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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