whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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