Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
