i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
