there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My pussy is not your playground.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
