i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
