So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
