I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
