I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
