Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
