you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
