Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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