Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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