Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
