Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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