remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's rum buckets o'clock
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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