Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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