new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
