she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
