so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
